


I Didn't Know That I Could Feel This Way

by BabyBottlePop



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age Play, Alternate Universe, Awkwardness, Consensual, Infantilism, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Sexual Age Play, Other, Self-Acceptance, Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 07:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10692246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyBottlePop/pseuds/BabyBottlePop
Summary: Out of everything that he expected to happen today, Louis did not imagine that he’d be having this type of conversation with his boss. Seeing as he’d normally kept this whole thing under the wraps, it was strange and quite frightening to have it thrown out in the open like this.Or, after an awkward encounter at the store, Louis' boss finds out one of his darkest secrets.





	I Didn't Know That I Could Feel This Way

For almost three months now, Louis worked a desk job in which he edited and revised business documents. It was simple, therefore Louis enjoyed it. He had his own desk, in which he occupied from ten to four each day. The pay was decent, and so he was able to afford a small cozy flat only three blocks away from his work. 

 

Louis worked with Zayn, who was quiet and a little moody, but kind to Louis. Zayn spent a lot of his time sketching when he was supposed to be doing editing. This job was only for some extra cash, Zayn had told him, until his art sales picked up a little more. Sometimes he drew cartoon sketches of Louis, which was always amusing to watch. 

 

Mr. Harry Styles was the head of the editing department for the company, which meant he was their boss. He was tall, with curls that looked incredibly soft. His eyes were an enchanting green, and his lips were so pink...but they never smiled. 

 

Because he was a boss, Harry was very boss-like. He chastised Zayn several times a week for slacking off, always threatening to fire him. He hadn’t yet though, so maybe he wasn’t as mean as Louis thought. Even so, his stern voice was a bit intimidating, so whenever he came onto their floor to supervise, Louis stayed as small as he could as to not be noticed. 

 

It worked. Harry never spoke to him, save for greeting him in the lunchroom or in passing. Since Louis did his job, that essentially meant he was on his boss’ good side. 

 

That was a good thing, because Louis needed this job. He was on his own now, he had been for two years since he’d turned eighteen. 

 

Louis didn’t try dating, or finding a potential partner. It was a lost cause, Louis knew for sure. If they ever saw what he was like at home, they’d think he was a weirdo and leave him in a heartbeat, which was why Louis was content with keeping to himself outside of work. Besides, boyfriends would want to do adult things, like kissing and being intimate, and Louis didn’t want to do those kinds of things. 

 

When he was home and had privacy, he could live the way he wanted, which was a little different than most adults his age. While most twenty year olds would be hitting the clubs or out with friends, Louis would stay home with his teddy bear and picture books...and his diapers. 

 

That’s right, Louis liked to pretend he was a baby.

 

He was well aware of how strange it was, which was why he lived so privately. That was the way he liked it. This world, including the people in it, was a very stressful place. Louis unwound by forgetting about who he should be, and instead acting on who he  _ wanted _ to be. 

 

At first, Louis had tried to put this whole thing off as a phase. After a few years had passed, however, he’d given up on trying to restrict his desires. Louis wanted more than anything to be coddled, loved, and taken care of. There was no way he would ever have someone help him with that, which was why he helped himself. 

 

Louis didn’t go all out with it, but there were a few babyish things he enjoyed doing. He ordered diapers online and wore them around the house, feeling comfortable and safe. He read books with easy words and pictures, because they didn’t strain his mind like those work documents did. He used his Netflix account to watch Winnie the Pooh and Mickey Mouse, because there was no conflict and always happy endings. 

 

Five days a week from ten to four, Louis edited business documents. The rest of the time, he pretended to be a baby boy...a baby boy who was destined to be alone. But that was okay, Louis thought to himself, because at least he was as happy as he could be, in his situation.

 

But like all things do, Louis’ private life proved to be troublesome. Louis was running out of diapers, and the weekend was fast approaching. The website in which he usually ordered them from was out of stock, something which rarely occurred. Seeing as Louis couldn’t possibly sleep without a diaper on, he needed enough to get him through the weekend. 

 

Weekends were the most important time, because for two whole days Louis could stay inside his flat and indulge in his fantasies. He knew it wasn’t healthy, being so cut off and alone, but it was too late. He was too deep into this dangerous lifestyle, which is why he went to the closest drugstore to get himself some diapers. 

 

Preferably, Louis would have gone to the store much later to guarantee no witnesses, but it closed at nine and the time was already half past eight. Swallowing nervously, he walked over to the aisle that held the label  _ ‘Incontinence _ ,’ located in the personal care section. There was one older woman looking at vitamins in the next aisle over, but other than that he was in the clear. 

 

He read through the brands as quickly as possible, wrinkling his nose in distaste. The ones he ordered online were colorful, fun, and puffy. These were bland, thin, and discreet. He opted for taking a small cheaper package containing only ten ‘adult underwear’. That would hold him over for a couple of days, until they restocked his favorite diapers on his usual ordering website. 

 

The intercom announcement indicating that the store was closing in ten minutes caught Louis off guard, causing him to tuck the package safely into his basket and rush to the register...only to become frozen with fear. There were two people ahead in line, and the clerk was elderly and severely slow as she rung the items up. 

 

He walked over to the line, trying to look as small and invisible as possible, hoping to not draw any attention to himself. 

 

“Good evening, Louis.”

 

Louis just about died at the sound of a very familiar voice. It was a low monotone that belonged to a tall, curly haired, and incredibly fit  _ boss _ . 

 

Louis’ boss, to be precise. 

 

Obviously the Gods were punishing Louis for something done in a past life. Of course he would run into Harry Styles, his boss, on the one night that he left his flat, to get diapers of all things. 

 

It was going to be awkward either way, but Louis figured that he should act as nonchalant as possible. Maybe Harry wouldn’t notice what was in his basket. 

 

“H-Hello Mr. Styles,” Louis greeted, turning around to face him while also internally cringing at how panicked he sounded, even when trying to keep calm. 

 

Harry looked different. His hair was pulled into a messy bun, he wore joggers and a jumper. It was much more different, and slightly more comforting than seeing Harry in his usual suit. 

 

“Fancy running into you here,” Harry said, eyes flickering briefly to the package in Louis’ basket, which was impossible to hide. His face showed no reaction, but it was obvious that he had seen them. Louis’ ears were buzzing, and his face felt so incredibly warm. 

 

Louis didn’t even bother trying to respond, his lips frozen. 

 

“I’ve just come back from yoga,” Harry continued to talk, perhaps realizing how upset Louis was. It was nice of him, to treat Louis with such respect, even though he probably thought that he was a disgusting freak. “I needed to pick up some milk, otherwise I can’t have pancakes tomorrow.”

 

Louis didn’t know how he’d gathered the courage to speak, but he did. “That’s nice...pancakes, I mean.”

 

“They are, aren’t they?” Harry said, eyes lightening up a little. “Especially with strawberries and whipped cream on top. I make them every Saturday as a treat.”

 

Jesus Christ, it was so awkward, this entire encounter.

 

Louis was saved from having to respond when it was his turn at the register, but then his night was tripled in humiliation when he had to remove his item from the basket, and the stupid store clerk fumbled with the package, flipping it around several times to find the scanning label. 

 

If Harry hadn’t seen the diapers before, he had definitely seen them now. 

 

Louis paid as quickly as possible, took his bag, and darted out of the store without a backward glance at Harry.

 

It was definitely the worst weekend ever. Louis spent most of it curled up under the covers on his couch, in his shitty temporary diaper replacements, not feeling at all comforted like usual. It was times like these when he really longed for someone who would be accepting, and be able to comfort him. 

 

There was no way he would be able to go to work on Monday and face his boss. It looked like he would once again have to find a different job. It sucked too, because he had actually felt comfortable working at this office, and the pay kept him able to live in this comfortable flat and afford to eat.

 

The more he thought about it, the more Louis realized he would have to take the responsible adult action of things on Monday. He would fill out his resignation and hand it into Mr. Styles first thing in the morning, and then spend the rest of his Monday job searching.

 

Hugging his teddy bear tightly, Louis wept as he searched the web for potential new jobs. 

 

* * *

 

Come Monday morning, Louis knocked softly on his boss’ door, which was already halfway open.

 

When Harry looked up from his laptop and noticed him, his face brightened considerably and he straightened in his chair. “Louis, hello! How are you?”

 

Louis resisted the urge to squirm, his face already hot enough to fry an egg on. He might as well get this over with straight away. “Hello Mr. Styles. I’m okay, I j-just came to...to hand in my resignation.”

 

Harry’s eyebrows narrowed. “What?”

 

Louis felt his hands trembling, the paper shaking in them. “I filled out the form,” He said quietly, eyes looking at the floor. “To put in my two weeks’ notice.”

 

Silence filled the room. 

 

“Louis, close the door and have a seat please.”

 

Oh great, Louis thought to himself, perhaps Harry didn’t want a two weeks notice. Maybe he wanted Louis out straight away. He was counting on these two more weeks to keep an income for the upcoming rent at the end of the month. 

 

When Louis had closed the heavy glass door and sat in the comfy chair across from Harry’s desk, waiting to be shamed and sent away, or perhaps laughed at and cruelly made fun of. Harry was looking at him, his green eyes filled with anything but malice. They were troubled, like he was concerned or something.

 

“Why have you decided to leave so suddenly?” Harry asked softly. “I thought you liked working here?”

 

Louis stiffened. Was Harry toying with him or something? It was hard to figure out, as Louis sometimes had a hard time reading people and their intentions. 

 

“I just decided,” He answered pitifully with a shrug of his shoulders, wanting more than anything to be as far away from his soon to be ex-boss as possible.  

 

After another moment of unbearable silence, his boss leaned much closer. “Louis, is this about what happened the other night, at the store?”

 

Having the actual matter brought to light verbally caused Louis to flinch, twisting his hands together in his lap as he looked down. “T-Those...That was-”

 

“What you do outside of work is none of my business,” Harry said. “But Louis, just so you know, you never need to be ashamed of something like that. I have a friend who’s...well, he’s a caregiver living with an outed little. They’re both widely involved in the abdl community.”

 

Louis looked up in horror at the term, and Harry grew panicked. 

 

“Unless you aren’t a little, I shouldn’t make assumptions!”

 

Out of everything that he expected to happen today, Louis did not even imagine that he’d be having this type of conversation with his boss. Seeing as he’d normally kept this whole thing under the wraps, it was strange and quite frightening to have it thrown out in the open like this. 

 

That was why he started crying. His throat closed up, eyes quick to well up with tears filled with shame and mortification. 

 

“Y-You can just fire me today,” He sniffled, defeated. “I know it’s weird. I’m a freak!”

 

“Hey, hold on a second Louis!” Harry held onto his upper arm, firmly but not too tightly. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m not unfamiliar with the abdl community. You certainly aren’t a freak, and nor are you weird.”

 

Louis, still in a state of distress, only stared back tearfully. 

 

Harry rubbed the back of his neck. “I babysit a lot for my friend’s little. He’s usually regressed fulltime, and Lee doesn’t like to leave him alone. I’m like my friend...that is, I fall into the role of a caretaker. I just don’t have my own little, but I go to a lot of events.”

 

Louis was unable to say anything, and Harry mistook his silence for panic.

 

“I’m sorry, crap, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable!” The curly haired man was quick to say. “I just- please don’t quit work. I only wanted you to understand that I would be the last person to judge you.”

 

“Never met a...somebody who takes care of littles,” Louis mumbled quietly, twisting his hands together and staring down at the ground. 

 

“What, really?” Harry asked. “There’s lots of ways to connect. Online, conventions, get togethers…”

 

Louis had considered things like that before, but it was all too hard. Most people online were just trolls or creeps. One man he’d talked to had been over fifty and only wanted to see pictures of his willy. Conventions or get togethers were usually too far away due to their discrete locations, and Louis didn’t drive. 

 

“S’too scary,” Louis heard himself say. “Nobody knows about it. I just keep to myself.”

 

“Do you have any family?” Harry asked hesitantly. “I mean, do you live all alone?”

 

“Yeah,” Louis admitted, feeling self conscious and emotional at his family being brought up. He missed them more than anything. “I don’t have any family, but I’ve been doing okay.”

 

“Oh Louis,” Harry was unsuccessfully trying to hide the concern in his voice. “You mean you don’t have anybody to help out? How often do you regress?”

 

Never before had Louis been asked these sorts of questions. 

 

“I don’t know. I guess, just when I’m not at work?”

 

“Are you happy?” Harry suddenly became more serious. “Look at me, Louis. Are you happy right now, with the way that you live?”

 

Louis trembled, but he was honest. “N-Not really. It’s sort of lonely.”

 

Harry was silent for a few moments. 

 

“I have a suggestion,” He finally said, voice slow and cautious. “Why don’t you meet my friend and his little? It could give you a chance to open up to the community more, and interact with understanding people.”

 

To say that Louis was caught off guard was an understatement. “I- I’m not sure….maybe?”

 

It did sound like a good idea. Everything was happening to fast though, it was a bit overwhelming. Not twenty minutes ago he was prepared to leave his job and face ultimate humiliation from his boss. Instead he had found out that his boss was a caretaker, and now he was invited to meet another caretaker and a  _ little _ !

 

“Well, you think about it. Why don’t you take today off and relax? I’ll give you a call in the evening after you’ve thought things through, and if you decide you want to, we can make arrangements. Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Louis said, finally allowing a small smile to grace his lips. He could have the whole rest of the day off, how nice. 

 

“Excellent,” Harry smiled back. “Everything’s going to be just fine Louis, alright?”

 

Something in Harry’s tone made Louis believe him.

* * *

 

 

Louis did as Harry asked and reaxed for the rest of the day. When he got home, Louis slipped on one of his diapers. He was pleased to find that his favorite ones had arrived in the mail sometime that morning, so he could disregard the white thin drugstore ones. 

 

He napped and then watched Rugrats for the remainder of the afternoon, until his phone rang. 

 

“Hey Louis, it’s Harry.”

 

“O-Oh,” Louis stood up, caught off guard from the phone call even though he should have been expecting it. “Hello Mr. Styles.”

 

“How’ve you been?” Harry asked. “Have you been being a good boy and relaxing?”

 

_ ‘Being a good boy’?  _ Louis felt his tummy do a flip-flop at those words. “Erm, yes, I’ve been being good.”

 

“That’s wonderful. So, have you been thinking about our conversation earlier? The one about going to visit my friends?”

 

“Y-Yeah,” Louis mumbled, resisting the urge to suck on his fingers. “I want to- Yes.”

 

“Perfect! We’ll go tomorrow evening after work, alright? Does that sound good?”

 

“Okay,” Louis agreed, even though his heart leapt at the thought of doing it so soon. 

 

“Perfect,” Harry repeated once more. “Sounds like a plan. You make sure to get yourself into bed early, okay? You have a big day tomorrow, so you don’t want to be all sleepy.”

 

God, that tone was making Louis’ tummy feel all twisty. Harry was talking to him like a daddy might do, and it was something so new and  _ nice _ . 

 

“I will,” Louis practically whispered into the phone, his voice very soft. 

 

“Have a good night Louis. Sleep tight.”

 

Upon hanging up the phone, Louis wondered what this turn of events meant for him. For some reason, it felt like he was taking a huge step in his life by agreeing to do this. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, this one had been sitting in my google docs forever, I dunno why I never posted it. I guess I felt sort of nervous about this one, for some reason? So let me know what you think, please!
> 
> Feel free to also visit my tumblr: bashfulbabybottlepop


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